It’s normal to be a little lost, pained and angry when your ex has just broken up with you.

Much depends on whether you really want him or not in your life. If you have decided enough is enough, you are going to have to get over the relationship and that takes time and pain, before you can get on and have fun enjoying life as a single person. Forget about taking your revenge on him as you will only hurt yourself in the process.

On the other hand, if you are sure he is the man for you and you think you are partly to blame for what has happened, here are two things you can usefully do.

Start by letting him know how you feel about things. You should write to him telling him you sorry about how you behaved and jogging his memory about all the happy souvenirs you both have. Let him know how much you still love him and now miss him greatly.

If he replies in a positive way, get him to meet you somewhere where there are other people. This will make it difficult for both of you to start arguing in front of a lot of people and this is just what you want to avoid. Have a full and open discussion and let him know how you are feeling. Explain to him why you are angry, if your anger has not yet passed, but above all avoid blaming him for what has happened.

If you do this, you won’t advance your cause of persuading him that you are both made for each other. Talk about what has really happened and talk about both of you. This will not help you in convincing him that you are good together. Keep the conversation to facts and also use the word I as well as you. You don’t want the discussion to turn into a confrontation and more arguing.

Give him the chance to talk and to criticize you if he chooses. You have to be constructive if you are both going to move forward. Perhaps one of his reasons for leaving you was that you always seemed to be criticizing him. Allow him to criticize you as well. It is best if this is done in a constructive way as none of us are perfect and he likely broke up for a reason.

You will have to listen hard, without thinking you know everything he is trying to say. Push him to come out with how he is feeling about things as this is an excellent time to work on and improve your relationship. It is true that he decided to end things between you but it was how you behaved that persuaded him to make this decision.

Avoid trying to play games and keeping off subjects that will have to be discussed some time in the future. You have to bring everything out in the open now as holding back will only store up problems for the future. Breaking up is part of adult life and you have to learn to weather on through both the bad and good periods. What is happening to you both is just a part of what normally happens in adult relationships.

If you take these suggestions to heart, you may find that some time in the future you will be grateful of that difficult moment in the past when you discovered that your ex has just broken up with you.