“Help save my marriage from falling apart!” rings as my SOS cry from those who see their marriage is on the rocks.  You know it’s falling apart but you don’t know how to save it.   If you want to save your marriage, you will need some serious counseling; and fast.  This counseling needs to cover three points in particular.

The first point can be summed up as giving yourself to make the marriage operate successfully.   A lot of people wanting to save their marriage are often looking to their partner to fix everything.   It could be that the partner is the main cause of the problems, but you may be putting some more oil on the fire. 

A marriage is a single unit and not two people functioning completely independently.  When one of the partners gets egocentric, the marriage is heading for trouble.  The two parties have to each sacrifice a part of their individuality to make the marriage work.

A second of these points is that people tend to clam up and not speak to each other.  Couples not only don’t speak to each other but the partners guard their own feelings to themselves.    This can only go on for a certain time after which, under pressure, matters suddenly explode.

Finally there is a common tendency to exaggerate the importance of certain issues.  The result is that certain things are made to seem more important than they really are.  The partners in a marriage must decide what are the matters they feel are really important and learn to accept that, regarding the lesser issues, there may be differences between the two of them, which each of them must learn to accept and live with.

You must both of you simplify the way you look at different problems and cut through the detail to get to the heart of these problems.  Then you will have to learn to negotiate between yourselves to find a solution that satisfies you both.  Ask yourself if you are being too demanding of your partner?  Are you being too insistent about matters that are pure detail?  Are you being reasonable in what you expect? If you can make matters simpler between the two of you, you may be able to save your marriage.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, November 19th, 2009 at 4:24 pm and is filed under Stop my Divorce. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.