Don’t start to panic as there are many reasons why your lover has become rather distant. They may have problems at work, financial or health problems or they may be trying to help a friend through a difficult period.  So don’t just assume that they don’t love you any more. 

T ‘Dub’ Jackson in his book, The Magic Of Making Up, writes a lot about the need for real communication in the couple. This is something that ca be improved in all relationships; in fact more relationships fall apart because of lack of communication than fidelity in the couple.  The partners just seem to be incapable of speaking to each other. 

When you don’t talk openly about what concerns or worries you in your relationship, you will find that doubts arise which start as being insignificant and soon take a considerable proportion.   The more they increase in size the more difficult it becomes to find solutions to these problems. 

So when you realize that there is a problem in your relationship, the sooner you find a solution to it, the easier it is to solve. Take your partner out for a drink or a meal and get a baby sitter for the children. You will find it easier to talk to each other when you are on neutral territory and you will likely have a proper discussion without it developing into an argument. 

You should avoid at all cost attacking or accusing your partner.  What you want is a good discussion and for this you both have to talk about how you are feeling without trying to blame one another for what has happened.  You have to listen to your partner as they must listen to you.  Even if your relationship needs to be rescued, you will both be grateful that things have been brought out in the open.

It is always best to avoid keeping secrets in your relationship.  When you have been in a long relationship you will know from experience that keeping the relationship alive requires a lot of hard worm and trust between the two partners.  Improving the way you communicate with each other will help you both to acquire this trust and the mutual respect that is necessary for your relationship to survive and flourish.

You have to stop guessing what each of you wants to say to each other and listen to each other.  You two are the only people who can solve the problems that exist and finding lasting solutions and it will certainly not help if you try to ignore the problems.  Read the book, the magic of making up, and talk with your partner. If you want to prevent the need for a relationship rescue service you must both take immediate action.

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There is a are quantity of relationship philosophy and psychology books out on the market but when you start studying them you will find that the message most of them send is one of total contradiction.  Fairly recently the well known relationship expert Dr Phil stated that most therapist and counselors don’t know how to fix a partnership. They will give you the theory and the reasons behind some of behavioral traits, but it is a question of chance this information can help you solve your problems.  Many such relationships councilors have been through a personal history of broken relationships but they never tell their customers this. 

Every relationship is different despite the fact that most of the problem areas may be similar.  You cannot change the fact that the problems you are trying to get a hold of are nothing more nor less than the result of what you both are.

I am not saying that you don’t need any help although I do question you need a course on relationship psychology.  You will find far more useful help from a self help book that teaches you how to communicate with your partner as well as understand what they are saying to you.  This is something that you can both read and profit from together.

I recommend the Magic of Making Up because it is written by somone who is not like other authors on relationship psychology.  Mr Jackson is very happily married and he works to help his customers become so also and stay so.  Read the comments his customers have made and see how this book has greatly influenced their lives.  Maybe your relationship has come to an end as not every relationship can be saved, but don’t move on things before you have read his book.  After this you will be able to work out the right decision for yourselves and your family.

It is never easy to admit that parts of your relationship need to be improved.  When you try to forget about them they may disappear in the short term but sooner or later they will return and when this happens the problems are likely to have become more complicated than they were before.  Problems don’t go away; they have to be dealt with.

When you have both made a heavy investment in your relationship it is worth doing a little extra work to avoid a break up.  For this reason, stop studying g the theory of relationship psychology and put the effort into getting each of you happy again.

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Do you want to have children.   If you are looking to start a family and your boyfriend doesn’t want children, you have a potential problem.  It may not be an issue that merits you breaking the relationship immediately but you can’t overlook it as your relationship develops.

Do you want a long term relationship?  If you do you must tell you boyfriend what you want and what you need.  If you want the relationship to be long term you must you must tell you boyfriend.  Then he will be able to say if he sees the situation similarly.

How do you feel about monogamy?  You have to take a common position from the start.  Be very clear about how you feel and be sure you understand his point of view. 

How high up do you come on your boyfriend’s list of priorities?   You have to talk to him about it.   You don’t necessarily have to be at the top but you must not be at the bottom.  You need to know ho committed he feels towards you.

Does he love you?     You may think this is pointless but it is very important.  You need to be certain of their feelings and be reassured that they love and care about you

Is he willing to work with you on the relationship?   It is difficult to maintain a relationship. You will both have to work hard on it and show proof of patience.  So talk to him about your relationship in order to understand that he is willing to make the effort required if you are to have a good and healthy relationship.

Don’t start to ask all the questions at once.  Take it slowly.   You don’t wan t to turn him off.  Be careful to let him see that you understand his point of view and that you do not give the impression of accusing him as all you risk doing is bringing the relationship to a rapid close.

Asking these questions will help you to understand your boyfriend. It is better to ask the questions at the start rather than be surprised by something later on in your relationship.

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When your relationship breaks up, you have the choice of trying to get your ex back, or moving on to fresh pastures.  You tend to opt for the first choice when you still have feelings for your ex.   Otherwise you have to try getting over your relationship.

When you decide to try and get your ex back, stop at nothing.   You are the sole judge of if they are the right partner for life for you.  Your family and friends will usually be all too happy to give their opinions, but it is only you who is able to decide what you really want to do.  Normally their advice will be well meaning but you have to take care to see that their advice is not being given in their own self interest.  

When most of your friends are unmarried, they will be happy to keep you single, as they may be jealous that you have found someone you love.  If they don’t like your choice, they will be sad to see you leave the group and so may try to persuade you against getting your ex back  

There are also times when it is just not possible to get your ex back, whatever you may try to do to recover them.   When this happens, there is little you can do other than accept the situation and move on.    On other occasions where you split up because of something that was rather trivial, you may be able to get your ex back by letting go of a little false pride and apologizing for what you did.  Women have always been taught that in such affairs an apology might imply she is desperate, so it is often up to the man to seize the occasion and put matters right.  

You will realize how important it is that you think very hard before taking the decision as it may affect both of your lives for a long time to come.  If you are thinking of playing games and taking them back just so that you can dump them and learn what it is like, you would do much better to move on and save your energies for your next conquest.  If you are firmly convinced, however, that they would make you the perfect partner, you must do all you can to get them to return to your life?     

When you want them back you need to make yourself present where they are.  You need friends and family to carry a good message to help you and you must look after yourself and look great.  In time the right message will be heard by your ex.   You don’t want to make it look as if you are trying to hunt her down, even if that is in fact what you are trying to do.  

Why not call your ex directly and invite them out for dinner.  This may be all it takes if your ex has been hoping you would call them as they wanted to call you but were lost to know what to say.     

Whichever way you go about it, plan on doing it right first time as you might not get a second bite of the cherry!   You are perfectly able to get back an ex, just as you can decide that it is better to move on.   So make your choice, but be sure to succeed at it.          

For further information click here  ]]> http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2010/01/03/ss/feed/ 0 http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2010/01/03/how-to-avoid-a-long-term-relationship-break-up/ http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2010/01/03/how-to-avoid-a-long-term-relationship-break-up/#comments Sun, 03 Jan 2010 15:14:50 +0000 entcord http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/?p=997

All relationships go through a bad patch from time to time so it is important to learn how to avoid a long term relationship break up.      

It is so easy to take our partner for granted at times, expecting that they understand what is happening, but when it gets to the point where they start to feel neglected and ask where they stand on your priority list, you need to be careful.  Think of what will happen if someone else starts to show them some attention.  Will they be tempted or not?  Who knows?  It can all happen so quickly and then it may be too late.    

So you have to get in there before things turn sour.  So start by arranging a date night.  Fix up a babysitter for the kids and have a night out just the two of you together.  If the finances are difficult, dispatch the children off to bed early and cook dinner for just the two of you.  Light a couple of candles and put a small bouquet of flowers on the table.  Tonight it is just the two if you together, so make sure that the television is turned off.  Decide that this evening you are going to talk about yourselves so for once that means avoiding talking of the children, the family problems and budget. The only admissible conversation is what you would say to each other on a night out when you are dating.  Behave as if you don’t know each other very well and so are trying to rectify this and learn a little more about each other.     

Things often start to get a little less active on the sexual front as the relationship gets older. Yet it is so important to have some physical contact, even if it is only hugging each other and holding hands together.  You need to always have that little bit of intimacy.  When the only intimate scenes you see are on the television you need to do something to liven up your relationship a little.   

You may think it is all of little importance but you so wrong.     You have to get back to being in love with each other, just like you were when your relationship began.  You likely were attracted to each other physically in the first place.            

Partners who can amuse themselves together and share what they are truly thinking and feeling have something that will help them stay bonded together as they get older. Life is not always easy and so it is so much more enjoyable to have someone with whom to share the later years of your life happily.  

For further information click here ]]> http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2010/01/03/how-to-avoid-a-long-term-relationship-break-up/feed/ 1 http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2009/12/05/getting-back-together-after-a-long-time-%e2%80%93-it-can-work/ http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/2009/12/05/getting-back-together-after-a-long-time-%e2%80%93-it-can-work/#comments Sat, 05 Dec 2009 16:51:27 +0000 entcord http://mylove-breakup-makeup.com/?p=897  Getting back together after a long time apart is quite feasible. Yes, it can work; it depends on what the reasons were for the initial break up and if you both have really decided it is going to happen.  When you have friends and family pushing with you it is even more likely to succeed.

A lot of couples break up when they are young and immature and don’t realize how happy they are together until everything falls apart.  Many break ups are causes by relocation moves and others were caused for reasons that had nothing to do with the couple; only the timing and the distance wee out of line. 

In other cases it is possible to find concrete reasons for why the relationship fell apart.  You are going to have to think hard before you get back together if these reasons are still pertinent.  Not only do you hear that absence can make the heart grow stronger.   

Sometimes there were specific reasons why we broke up and if these reasons still exist, you need to work out why you want to get back together. Absence can make the heart grow fonder but long time memories get a little twisted with time.  Your memories can deceive you when you think that you remember some event that happened in a particular way.

What is certain is that, if you are thinking of getting back together after a long time apart, you must both still have some emotional and physical attraction to each other.  It is the physical attraction that first brings two people together, but if there is no emotional connection with it, this will not be enough to keep the relationship strong.   

Relationships that last depend on a shred respect, love and commitment between the two of you.  When only part of these three is present, the chances of sustaining the relationship are reduced.  Don’t be fooled by the great romance films that life is based on lust and physical attraction.  He doesn’t come along in real life and steal you away romantically to live a life of happiness to the end of your days.

Real life, regrettably is much less romantic than all that. Every relationship will have to face up to its difficulties from time to time.  When you are both totally committed to each other, you have a better chance of surviving the real problems that life throws at you. 

If your first relationship lasted a long time and you had children, you must take care to see that you are returning to each other for the right reasons and or because the children are forcing your hands.  A relationship can never work when the couple stay together just for the children.  If this is your reason for returning to each other be very careful as it is almost certainly doomed to failure.  .

Getting back together after a long time apart can be a great adventure. What is important is to take your time and see how things sort themselves out.  I wish you the best of luck because it can work.

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Take care to choose the best!  I will not only show you how, but you will surprised by what I am going to tell you.

First of all, look beyond the dressed up previews of authors who have no real experience of life.  They have studied in a theoretical way all aspects during many years and can boast a long list of academic qualifications.  They are, however, completely unable to relate their so called experience to what is happening in the real world.

So start to look for books by writers who can illustrate that they have a real practical hold of their subject.  They have either been through a break up and put their life back together successfully or they have been able to help many of their friends because they seriously cared about them and the anguish they were going through.

Avoid at all those books that tell you to put your relationship on the shelf for a month psychoanalyze yourself during this period.  Most of these reports telling you how to get your ex back or save your relationship are stretched out into books that are empty of any real substance. Don’t’ waste either your time or your money with them.

Search out a book that will give you new information that your friends aren’t able to give you.

It must tell you what women are looking for most in a relationship, with a step by step description of how you can help them achieve these ambitions.  The book should outline clear ways to recover from a break up and how to combat the sadness you are feeling.

See who is suggesting you book as testimonials are often very general, clearly written by the writers family and friends.  When they come from a wide range of people, in differing situations and walks of life they will be more meaningful.  When you see that a man in Wisconsin and a woman from Europe, for example, have found the content useful it is likely that you also will find that the book contains the advice you need.

The market is full of books about relationships but most of them are written by people with no practical experience of the subject, because they have never been through, or close to, the actual trauma of a break up.  These books are too general in content and suggestions; they should be avoided as they have little information that can really help you.

Take the time and make the effort to search for a book that will be of real value to you.    Your relationship merits the time and money you invest so make sure you get the best available.

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Is the relationship worth saving?  With some effort on both sides almost all relationships can be saved if the parties concerned have decided that it is going to work.  When one of the parties decides they want out and do not wish to continue the relationship, there is little point in continuing.

Many relationships continue only because of the convenience of staying married as there are the children.  Is this really enough?   There must be a serious commitment by the couple, if the relationship is to be saved. 

Thee true difficulty or difficulties must then be clearly identified.  For example, it is often thought that it is an affair that causes the break up.   Very often this is only the sign of a more serious problem, that of the lack of real intimacy.  Without addressing this primary problem, the affair will be difficult to resurrect on a long term basis. 

So you must deal with the real issues; it is possible to save your relationship. When you start to deal with core issues rather than symptoms, you can save your relationship. 

The real issues identified, you can start to share your thoughts together.  This involves listening to your partner as well as talking.  If you can both talk through your problems this is a sign that you want to get together again, even if the emotions are strong.  When what your partner says hurts you, they are not doing so to cause you pain, but trying to show that they want the relationship to be improved.

When you have defined the difficulties in your relationship, put together a plan of action and take serious steps to implement it.   Plan to get back to spending more time together each week, just as you did when you started out together.  Be creative in finding time together.   If you both have trouble communicating, fix a time each day when you have 20 minutes to talk together, and then make sure you do so.

Don’t forget that saving a relationship is a continuing process.   You will not always move forward, and it will not always be easy at every step.   Being quick to apologize and slow to blame should always be uppermost in your mind.  

Does your relationship merit being saved?  If you believe it is, the above tells you how to save your relationship.

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Many solid relationships go off because off, usually for small matters.  Things that you had accepted in your partner for so long now annoy you.  You believe you still sincerely love your partner, so you want to know how to repair your relationship before it is too late.

Start by taking some space and take a break from your partner and go off on holiday, perhaps with a good friend.  Get out and see things different, and above all get out of the routines of normal life for a while.  While you are apart you can take the time to think about your relationship and after a certain time you will realize that it was not that bad, in fact it was the opposite, and you want to see your partner because you are sad without them.

Take your time in repairing your relationship as your partner may not feel like you do in wanting to get on with things.  You will have to set about courting each other so that the old love returns.  You will have to communicate better with each other on a more open basis than you did before. Show that you have a lot of patience but you really want things to get work out.  The chances are that overall your partner is thinking the same.  You will now both be in a better frame of mind to discuss your individual problems and find the solutions together.

Many relationships fall apart because the couple doesn’t know how to communicate with each other.  When this happens a relationship is almost impossible to repair.

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So, if you are having relationship problems, are they due to your present relationship or others affairs well in the past.  Answering this question may really aid you in your present relationship.

The two of you must work on repairing this relationship. You will both become more united and your relationship will strengthen, as a result.

Don’t let yourself be criticized, and don’t criticize your partner all the time, as both of you need the other to help you increase your ego.

Low self esteem is a factor that causes many problems in a relationship.  You have work out why you have so little self esteem.  It is often a difficult route but one worth traversing, and once done you will be able to profit from it and be more able to handle any problems you meet along the way. 

Learn to talk over problems between yourselves without forcing the issue on your partner and to listen to what your partner has to say.  When you can discuss things between yourselves you will find that what were at the start major problems were not really as important as they seemed to be.  All the time you are able to talk to each other your relationship will strengthen.

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