Don’t start to panic as there are many reasons why your lover has become rather distant. They may have problems at work, financial or health problems or they may be trying to help a friend through a difficult period.  So don’t just assume that they don’t love you any more. 

T ‘Dub’ Jackson in his book, The Magic Of Making Up, writes a lot about the need for real communication in the couple. This is something that ca be improved in all relationships; in fact more relationships fall apart because of lack of communication than fidelity in the couple.  The partners just seem to be incapable of speaking to each other. 

When you don’t talk openly about what concerns or worries you in your relationship, you will find that doubts arise which start as being insignificant and soon take a considerable proportion.   The more they increase in size the more difficult it becomes to find solutions to these problems. 

So when you realize that there is a problem in your relationship, the sooner you find a solution to it, the easier it is to solve. Take your partner out for a drink or a meal and get a baby sitter for the children. You will find it easier to talk to each other when you are on neutral territory and you will likely have a proper discussion without it developing into an argument. 

You should avoid at all cost attacking or accusing your partner.  What you want is a good discussion and for this you both have to talk about how you are feeling without trying to blame one another for what has happened.  You have to listen to your partner as they must listen to you.  Even if your relationship needs to be rescued, you will both be grateful that things have been brought out in the open.

It is always best to avoid keeping secrets in your relationship.  When you have been in a long relationship you will know from experience that keeping the relationship alive requires a lot of hard worm and trust between the two partners.  Improving the way you communicate with each other will help you both to acquire this trust and the mutual respect that is necessary for your relationship to survive and flourish.

You have to stop guessing what each of you wants to say to each other and listen to each other.  You two are the only people who can solve the problems that exist and finding lasting solutions and it will certainly not help if you try to ignore the problems.  Read the book, the magic of making up, and talk with your partner. If you want to prevent the need for a relationship rescue service you must both take immediate action.

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There is often a feeling that you are better to stay in a bad situation where at least you know each other.  It is always more difficult to break up a relationship when you have children and common ownership in the property where you are living than if the relationship has not been going very long.  Having said this, it is common knowledge that most couples regularly break up for wrong reasons and it is sad that they are not able to come back together.  Nobody really knows the number of broken relationships that should have worked out but didn’t because there was a petty argument or someone’s pride stood in the way of a solution; so make sure that your relationship does not go the same way.

What can you do when you are sure you want your ex back?  Absence does not always make the heart grow fonder, because familiarity has a great effect on what may be considered attractive.  As time goes on in a relationship the physical attraction that was so prominent at the start may lessen or even disappear and change into an attraction that is much deeper and lasts.  So what you have to do is to make sure that you meet your ex by chance without giving them the impression that you are chasing after them.

What is important is that when you see them you must be smiling and clearly enjoying yourself, so that your ex gets the impression that they are missing out on something great by not getting back together with you.  If they see you sad they will not want to be associated with you; if they see you happy you will leave them wondering why they ever left you in the first place.  Never forget the importance of maintaining eye contact with them as this is another factor that is considered very appealing, but be careful not to overdo it. 

Ignore the fancy sayings and chat as well as other games.  Be frank if you want them back and tell them so. If you made mistakes, you should apologise for them and just say that you want to give your relationship another try.  You may find that they do not agree to another chance but you will never know until you ask and if they turn you down, it will only be your pride that is a little dented.  When you really desire something in life, you have to go out and get it. If you read the Magic Of Making Up, you will realize that there is little that causes a relationship not to survive and be ameliorated on if both the couple behave as adults and you want to and are able to move on to better times.  Now that you know what to do to get back with your ex, so go ahead and put this advice into action.

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There is a are quantity of relationship philosophy and psychology books out on the market but when you start studying them you will find that the message most of them send is one of total contradiction.  Fairly recently the well known relationship expert Dr Phil stated that most therapist and counselors don’t know how to fix a partnership. They will give you the theory and the reasons behind some of behavioral traits, but it is a question of chance this information can help you solve your problems.  Many such relationships councilors have been through a personal history of broken relationships but they never tell their customers this. 

Every relationship is different despite the fact that most of the problem areas may be similar.  You cannot change the fact that the problems you are trying to get a hold of are nothing more nor less than the result of what you both are.

I am not saying that you don’t need any help although I do question you need a course on relationship psychology.  You will find far more useful help from a self help book that teaches you how to communicate with your partner as well as understand what they are saying to you.  This is something that you can both read and profit from together.

I recommend the Magic of Making Up because it is written by somone who is not like other authors on relationship psychology.  Mr Jackson is very happily married and he works to help his customers become so also and stay so.  Read the comments his customers have made and see how this book has greatly influenced their lives.  Maybe your relationship has come to an end as not every relationship can be saved, but don’t move on things before you have read his book.  After this you will be able to work out the right decision for yourselves and your family.

It is never easy to admit that parts of your relationship need to be improved.  When you try to forget about them they may disappear in the short term but sooner or later they will return and when this happens the problems are likely to have become more complicated than they were before.  Problems don’t go away; they have to be dealt with.

When you have both made a heavy investment in your relationship it is worth doing a little extra work to avoid a break up.  For this reason, stop studying g the theory of relationship psychology and put the effort into getting each of you happy again.

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Do you want to have children.   If you are looking to start a family and your boyfriend doesn’t want children, you have a potential problem.  It may not be an issue that merits you breaking the relationship immediately but you can’t overlook it as your relationship develops.

Do you want a long term relationship?  If you do you must tell you boyfriend what you want and what you need.  If you want the relationship to be long term you must you must tell you boyfriend.  Then he will be able to say if he sees the situation similarly.

How do you feel about monogamy?  You have to take a common position from the start.  Be very clear about how you feel and be sure you understand his point of view. 

How high up do you come on your boyfriend’s list of priorities?   You have to talk to him about it.   You don’t necessarily have to be at the top but you must not be at the bottom.  You need to know ho committed he feels towards you.

Does he love you?     You may think this is pointless but it is very important.  You need to be certain of their feelings and be reassured that they love and care about you

Is he willing to work with you on the relationship?   It is difficult to maintain a relationship. You will both have to work hard on it and show proof of patience.  So talk to him about your relationship in order to understand that he is willing to make the effort required if you are to have a good and healthy relationship.

Don’t start to ask all the questions at once.  Take it slowly.   You don’t wan t to turn him off.  Be careful to let him see that you understand his point of view and that you do not give the impression of accusing him as all you risk doing is bringing the relationship to a rapid close.

Asking these questions will help you to understand your boyfriend. It is better to ask the questions at the start rather than be surprised by something later on in your relationship.

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So what do you have to do?  It is first wise to remember that at some time in their life, all marriages go through difficult times and are usually saved by a little effort, mutual respect and understanding between the two partners.  The problems must be tackled when they present themselves and you must learn how to do this.  Start by reading one or two books that give relationship guidance or go both of you to take some relationship counseling.  As some people find it hard to talk about their problems with people they do not know, you might to prefer to acquire on internet, a course to help you solve your marital problems or simply get advice from an internet dating site.

You may be asking if all this hassle is worth the effort and this is a question that only you can answer.  It would be surprising that, after several years of marriage to your partner who you once loved, you no longer have any love for them.  You can get that love back if you are prepared to make the effort.  The problem is that life is so hectic and it gets in the way of our relationships.   Well only you can answer that but I am guessing that if you married this person, you loved them once and probably still do.  Real life often gets in the way of our relationships; we have so many people to try and please in different ways, that our partner just gets left out or left to the end of the line.   This is where you have started to go wrong as your partner must always stay at the top of your priorities.  For your marriage to really succeed, the couple must have mutual appreciation and show it regularly.

When the partners in a relationship start arguing with each other, it often out of frustration.  Perhaps they have not made love for some considerable time.  It is so important to keep an intimate relation with your partner.  Sex is not the all and only thing in a relationship but it is the component that keeps you together.  There may be a little less passion than in the early days.  A little practice and patience will enable you to recover it. 

Being able to discuss your problems with each other is absolutely essential if the relationship is to work.  You have to know how your partner is feeling and not just think you know.  They may be under pressure at work or worried about how to meet the economic needs of the family.  Just because they are distracted, you should not assume that they are no longer in love with you; neither are they being unfaithful or thinking of leaving you. 

Find someone to look after the children for a night and take your partner out for dinner and just talk things over. That does not mean talking about the finances, family or the children but chatting about the two of you.  Imagine that you have just met and are starting to date each other.  You will soon realize that there is common ground between the two of you and you can work out your problems together.   

You will likely soon realize that no longer is your marriage in crisis, and your relationship has been successfully rekindled.

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When I think of all the things I’ve learned from women who’ve dumped me, I realize how they have actually helped me save my current relationship.  You see, all relationships are similar in that the same in that they will fail if certain components do not exist.  Your wealth and your good looks will not save you if they are missing; your relationship is doomed to failure. 

All my previous girlfriends taught me some valuable lessons.  They taught me to tell the truth even when it was difficult for me to do so.  She will trust you when she knows you are always honest and being trusted is one of the foundations of a good relationship. 

I learned that they expect me to tell them how I feel.  That does not mean that I, like most men, am happy to talk all the time about how I am feeling.  It does mean that I have to explain my feelings and not just expect her to guess what they are.  I must also ask her about what she is feeling and listen to her replies. I am not there to solve the problems in her life as she is perfectly capable of doing this herself and my intervention would likely only annoy her.  I must listen to what she says and only make a suggestion if she asks me to. 

I have also realized that when I help with the menial household tasks, I am in a better position to ask for the sexual favors later.  Small things done regularly are far more appreciated than a bigger effort that I make less frequently to help her.  The things I do for her are much more appreciated when I do them than when I say them. 

When she cuddles up close to me in bed, it does not necessarily mean that she is wanting to have sex so I must respect this and not be upset by it.  I have to tell her that I find she is the sexiest thing that existed and not just think it; particularly when I am hoping for a little more than just a cuddle. 

When I look back I realize that all my previous relationships had broken up because I did not follow these cardinal rules.  I always thought that all I did was just perfect but I always got dumped because I had ignored my girlfriend or failed to understand them.   I would probably continued to be unsuccessful in my relationships if I had not bought some books that helped me understand what were the main components of a great relationship.   .

Not only am I happier now, but so is my wife.   The things I’ve learned from women who’ve dumped have helped me to make the best of my relationship and they can help you as well.

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Start by telling other people how you are feeling after what has happened.  Letting someone else know how angry and frustrated it has left you feeling is essential.  Don’t be afraid of letting others know what has happened.   It will give you some peace and help you to feel better and understand better what has happened to you.

The people around you will likely try to tell you to cool down when they hear that you have discovered that your best friend is dating your ex.  That you are annoyed and upset by this is normal, as you still have that feeling that you feel your ex is still for you with your souvenirs.  You don’t want someone you know well coming along and destroying all of this

So it is normal to be upset and annoyed when your best friend is in a rebound relationship with your ex.   What is important is that you find a way to let go of all the bad things you are feeling in one simple sweep so that you can put it behind you and start to assess your future rationally. 

You are then going to have to reflect on your friendship with the person who has taken your ex.  Think over the problem from different angles and don’t give them up just like that.  It is perhaps a little stupid to give up a good friendship when you are no longer going out with your ex.

Did you tell your friend that you considered that your ex was forbidden territory for him? How would you feel if you had done the same thing to your best friend?   Try to put yourself in their place and think about how they are feeling prior to deciding if you should maintain your friendship. 

When it first happens you find yourself in a very difficult situation when your best friend is in a rebound relationship with your ex.  You may still have a broken heart after the original break up and so whet your friend has done to you may only make this worse.  So you are right to be angry and want to vent this anger, as it will help you when you come to deciding if, in the end, you wish to keep the friendship with your best friend.

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So often we see, as our relationship develops with a man, we get to a level of comfort where we stop looking after ourselves as much as we did when we first began going out together.  And start to become comfortable.  Yet this is the first thing to avoid when we wan to be an amazing girlfriend. Never let him see you otherwise than when you are at your best

Then you have to lead a very active and interesting sex life in order to be that amazing girlfriend.  Men like to enjoy themselves in bed and they prefer it when they turn their partner on.  Do some reading up and find out what you can do that will really turn him on.   This does not mean that you should do things with which you are not comfortable but bring some variety into your sex life if you want him to see you as an amazing girlfriend. 

Let him go out from time to time without calling him to find out where he is and who he is with.  Men hate insecure women who want to follow their every move. . They accept you being a little jealous when a pretty lady makes eyes at them, but they expect you will trust them when they having a night out away from you.

If you want him to stay with you, treat his family and friends with respect. Thy may not always be the people you want to go out with regularly.  Remember that he will probably feel the same way about your friends and family.  His family should be important to him, so watch how he treats his own mother as you will probably get an idea of how he will treat you in later years. 

Although it may be easy to answer the question how to be an amazing girlfriend, this does not mean that is easy when you come to put it into practice. When you are able to handle some of these techniques you will be better able to move on the next step in your relationship.  Don’t forget that, if you find it all too much work to do this, he likely has many other female friends who would love to have the opportunity to prove that they have the qualities it takes to be an amazing girlfriend.

If you love your man and want to be with him in later years you have to get things right now.  You have nothing to lose, so set about making yourself that amazing girlfriend now.

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Despite all the pain you are suffering from your break up there are some things you can do to help you get your life back to normal.

It is essential that you start to think of other things.  Though it may take some time it will help you get over the pain you are feeling and start to move on without having to handle a lot of problems that others find it impossible to get over.  They find themselves locked into thinking all the time about their ex and so find it very difficult to move on.  

You should avoid letting this happen to you. 

However painful you may find your break up, you have to remember that life will continue whether or not you are still there.  Because you decide to survive what has happened to you, you must learn forget what has happened and move on. 

In the first few weeks you should try to avoid going to places you often went to with your ex and avoid seeing those who you consider as your mutual friends.

Start by doing the things that please you; there is plenty of time to find old friends later.   When you find it difficult to know what you want to do, think of what activities you liked doing before you met your ex.  

What pastimes did you have that you were interested in and perhaps let drop when you met your ex.   Do some hard thinking and concentrate on getting back to doing the things that you were once passionate about. 

As soon as you are able to get back to doing these things, the  sooner you will start to feel better and the sooner you will feel you can face up to returning to find the friends you had and even meet your ex. 

So spend your time involving yourself with those things you liked doing and which make you feel good, and in no time you will find that you are beating the break up blues.

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Take care not to show that you are desperate, especially after adultery.  Yes you want her back, but not on any terms.  You don’t want to add to the many reasons, probably justified, that she presently has for refusing to have you back immediately.  But you must find ways of showing how sorry and repentant you really are.

One technique that often works is to write her a letter.  Start by telling you think she is right to take some time and space apart.  Tell her that that you should both be thinking of going your different ways and that you have realized for some time that the relationship was drawing to a close. Then you apologize to her again for having cheated and say how sorry you are it happened.  Admit that you have had a great lack of respect towards her and tell her again how sorry you are that you let it happen.  Terminate by telling her that something stupendous has happened to you and you like to talk about it with her when she wants to. Finish on this note.

What you have to do is get your girlfriend wanting and loving you, and writing such a letter is a very good way of doing  just this.  You show her in an adult way that not only do you realize what you have done but you appreciate that it has caused her considerable pain.  You let her see that you are not desperate but that you are ready to start all over again.  When your ex reads this letter, it is likely that she will soon be in contact with you.  From now on you will no longer be in the situation of begging her forgiveness. 

You are now, hopefully, at the start of re conquering your ex girlfriend’s love, so you are going to need to be prepared when she contacts you after reading your letter.  So during this time you have to get yourself mentally ready for her.  Look after yourself and work on your appearance, enjoy yourself with your friends and generally concentrate on being positive and looking to a bright future so that you are ready for her when she calls you.  Don’t get upset while you wait wondering when or if she will call you. 

When she finally call, take things slowly.  I hope this advice has led you through the first steps of what to do when you want to know “How can I get my girlfriend to love me again” even if I’ve cheated on her.

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